she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize