he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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