I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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