I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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