girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
