I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
