Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
