i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
