Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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