dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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