Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
