I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
