Yo dont text me then not text me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
