Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
