we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
