you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
