i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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