the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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