Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
