yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
