so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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