last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
