is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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