i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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