Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize