When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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