I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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