I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i've created a new STD.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
