Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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