I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize