i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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