There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
