either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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