I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
