Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize