I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Everything about him screamed your future.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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