i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
