I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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