College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
