Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize