Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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