C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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