her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
