You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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