Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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