You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
