i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
