My friends, they love my intelligence
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize