the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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