if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
