I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if only i could text you this smell
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize