i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
