literally had 100 drinks last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
