Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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