So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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