note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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