shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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