"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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