Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
