Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
