i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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