I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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