I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
