dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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