sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
