Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize