hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
