Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
