There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
