u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
