there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
