Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
