The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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