How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
