Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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