Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
