I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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