You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck appropriateness.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
