DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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