talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
