Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
