Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to make a zoo with you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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