i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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