You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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