It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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