remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
BRING THE BAGELS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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