So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
