this will be a night to untag.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
