i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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