i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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