I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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