You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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