At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize