I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
