No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
