shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
