im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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