i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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