haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
