Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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