he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
