somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize