so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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