First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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