i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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