im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
worst night to have a conscience
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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