Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
