when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
