oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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