i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
