well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
